I’m having a rough day today. Between thinking about Lizzy, Thomas & my baby. Shit sucks today! I’d give anything to just be able to say a few things to Thomas, we weren’t really as close as we use to be when he passed away and I regret that, he was once my best fucking friend and I went to him for EVERYTHING! Everything changed fast. Then my beautiful god daughter she was only a baby I still don’t understand why she was taken away. My Bestfriend didn’t deserve that and she doesn’t deserve to be going thru everything she is. Lizzy brought the best out in EVERYONE and I swear she took a big part of everyone with her when she went. I wish I could hold her just one more time. But I know she knew i loved her unconditionally even go she didnt see me everyday she knew who I was. I was aunt mar. I remember the last time I saw her, she didnt want me to leave she kept crying “mar mar mar mar” I had to give her a Popsicle so I could leave without her breaking my heart. If I knew that would have been the last time I would have stayed! And now the love of my life is thousand of miles away from me. I just want to be able to be happy a full 24 hours without being sad. But it seems impossible .
So yesterday My love actually called me I was so fucking happy to be able to hear his voice, besides the 20 saved voicemails I have. But he also told me hes going to Djibouti, which if you didn’t know Is in Africa. He’s not quite sure for how long but for about four weeks which isn’t to bad. but its an average of 106 degrees there on a daily basis. that’s so crazy! and its even more crazy they’re sending him on my BIRTHDAY how ironic but thankfully he’s off tomorrow so he’ll be able to talk to me for a few hours :D
I just want him to hurry home, yes I know its selfish and hes doing his job and duty to this country. but I just miss him. I miss him so damn much. I can’t wait to be able to finally fall asleep together every night again.